Thursday, May 8, 2008

Bike Racing v. Triathlon

Welcome to the weekly CBRC blogosphere version of Iron Chef. Today our favorite thing, bike racing, goes head to head with to our favorite thing sandwiched between almost drowning and running. That's right folks, its time for a triathlon hoagie.



you're not done yet:

where'd his shirt go?

Imagine, you're on your way to a bike race in a boat. All of a sudden you learn that the boat is sinking and you aren't going to make it to your race on time. Of course, the solution is to swim to the bike race. So you jump in, and swim somewhere between 325 yards and like 9 miles, fending off sharks, octopus and overly friendly dolphins.

You suck at swimming since you're like 7% body fat and don't float. You almost drown at least twice. Somehow, you still get to your destination and discover that the bike race is actually a time trial, but everyone is starting as soon as they get out of the water (oh, everyone else competing in the bike race was on the boat with you when it started to sink).

So now a bunch of soggy people riding time trial bikes are ahead of you. Actually, everyone is ahead of you, you're that bad at swimming. There is a nice lady who took swim class at the Y not to far ahead, and since she's on a hybrid and you're riding your P3 you figure you might catch her. You do have a disc after all.

You do in fact pass the hybrid lady, and some other people. Man you are killing it actually. Everyone looks like they're conserving energy for something else, but you're just drilling it like your Cancellara at worlds. You've passed everyone but those two dudes with the ironman tattoos.

Then that's when it happens. Just when you start to get in a groove and really get moving, you find out that you're bike is totally broken. Yup. You can't ride it any more, even though there's a bunch of race left. Now you have to run to the finish. Don't worry though, everyone else also broke their bike, even the lady on the hybrid, so now its a foot race. Man, you wish you hadn't been killing it so much before your bike broke, because now you're running and its not so much fun. People are passing you. Some guys who look like runners, some fast looking women, and then some kids, and then that lady who was on the hybrid. Man, running takes a long time. Why couldn't you just get a bike change?

Eventually you run for awhile and get to the finish line. You've actually won. No, that's not true at all. You actually lost to everyone except the two guys who didn't fend off that dolphin back there during the swim. Ouch. Maybe you should take some swim lessons.

So now that you've swam, biked, and ran, lets see if it was more fun then just biking then calling it a day:

Go for a swim: Tri
Go for a ride: Tie
Go for a run: seriously?
Wet suit: Tri
Skin suit: Bike Racing
No sand in your shoes: Bike Racing
No chamois in your shorts: Tri
Ride in a straight line in a pack: Bike Racing
Never ride with anyone near you, that's the rule!: Tri
Show up with a sport comfort bike and its okay: Tri
Show up on a steel bike and get laughed at: Bike Racing
Meet marine mammals: Tri
Shave your whole body: Tri
Be mediocre at three sports: Tri.
Be mediocre at one sport: Bike Racing

Final Score
Tri: 8.
Bike Racing: 5.
Dolphin: 2.

Tri defeats bike racing. How could it not? Clearly doing three sports at once beats doing one sport at once. Just like being in a one man band is always better then being in a normal, um, 4 man band.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

whats the hardest part of being a triathlete?

telling your parents your gay.