Thursday, April 24, 2008

Bike Racing v. Skiing

Welcome to a new feature for the CBRC Blog that I thought up the other day while riding around by myself. Its called "Bike Racing v. another thing." The idea here is that I take our beloved sport of bike racing, and compare it to other things we could be doing. Eventually, I'll conclude which thing is the better thing to do.

I hope that someday the "Bike Racing v. another thing" feature will be a very useful guide for boring individuals who need a new hobby, and are thinking that shaving their legs and wearing lycra is on the list of things to try.

So without further adieu, I present:


Since skiing is the visiting team here, they bat first:

Most of us can agree that skiing is totally done on snow (or water). This is what makes it impressive. It only snows when its cold, so you have to be willing to go outside when its really cold, and drive, hopefully in a blizzard, on some sketchy mountain roads at five in the morning.

On the other hand, if you're lucky enough to already live at a ski resort, you're also lucky enough to live in a town with a guy to girl ratio of 74 to 1.

Once you decide you want to ski, you've got to get some skis, boots, polls, etc. This is what makes skiing awesome. Everyone knows that buying things is awesome, and buying things that cost more than the stuff you're buddies have make you the most awesomest.

Once you spend like a thousand dollars on skis and boots and stuff, buy a $400 coat and some silly bib pants, you're ready to go. Just remember, you forgot your gloves at home and have to pay $97 for gloves at the mountain cause its 4 degrees and you can't go outside otherwise.

So now you're at the mountain, have all your gear, didn't crash on the way there (but will on the way home) and its time to go skiing. Great! Okay hold on, you still need to pay for a lift ticket. Or, of course, you can walk up the hill, but that would be exercise, so who wants to do that.

Overall, skiing is completely awesome. It costs a ton of money, is really hard to do, fills up a tremendous amount of time that you don't spend with your family/girlfriend and makes them like you even more then they already do.

Lets see how bike racing stacks up:

Okay, now most normal people would say, riding a bike - that's the thing you do in the summer right? NO! Bike racing requires dedication. In fact, races in the spring aren't even determined by who is the fastest, its totally based on who rode the most time in 4 degree blizzards in January. If you don't do that you just have no chance of ever not being Cat 4 for sure.

Now road racing also offers lots of opportunities to buy stuff. Which is why anyone does anything really. Once you get a bike and a helmet you also need a lighter bike and then an even lighter bike and then also a power meter and a tt bike and then probably a cx bike and a mountain bike too - not to mountain bike, but to ride on the road in the winter when the roads are too bad to take out your even lighter bike.

If you want you can spend like $10,000 on bike racing, in a week! If you don't want, you still will, otherwise you'll suck at racing because everyone knows that Zipp 404s and an SRM are the way to win a race (well races in the summer, cause the spring is all about who wants to ride in blizzards).

The good news, is unlike skiing, when you want to ride your bike its free. To bad you don't ride your bike, you "race" it. If you want to pin a number on, you've got to pay to do that too! Well, apparently the best things in life aren't free, they're $30 each and that doesn't include your USCF license.

Okay, lets see how the two sports stack up:

Do it when its really cold out - Tie.
Fun when its cold out - Skiing.
Costs lots of money - Skiing.
Costs more money then your house - Bike Racing.
Fun when its not cold out - Bike Racing.
Wear bibs: Tie.
for every 74 guys there's one girl - tie.
for every 74 guys there's one girl that will talk to you: Skiing.
Shave you legs: Bike Racing!
Impress your friends: No one cares.
Go Pro: nice try!
Wax your skis: Bike riding
Lube your chain: Skis
flat tire noise: Bang!
binding release: Pop!
Snow Bunnies: Skiing
Podium Girls - who you kididing, this is a cat four blog, there's no podium, let alone podium girls!

Okay lets tally it up:
Skiing: 5
Bike Riding: 4
Ties: This isn't hockey, there's no ties!

Skiing is the champion! Sell all your bike gear on ebay and go buy 6 different pairs of skis right now!

Check back in a week for the next "Bike Racing v. another thing" epic battle!


James said...

Hilarious. This is the best post on our blog.

douglas said...

next week: bike racing vs the nudie bar?