Monday, September 15, 2008

Breaking News: CBRC not going bankrupt!

The market is crashing. As I write this every bank in the country is being bought by every other bank in the country. Its just a matter of time before CBRC buys Bank of America, and is then bought by Bank of America as well. In preperation for this event, I'd like to announce that I've been furiously working to buy many banks and investment houses for the club, to prevent us from being bought by any investment houses or banks, while also shamelessly shopping the club around to the highest bidder. Right now, as the Dow is closed for the day I can give you an update on the offers received by and extended by CBRC.

Danny Goodwin has offered to buy CBRC for $12. In return I offered Danny three spare tubes for bankruptcy protection. This offer is pending.

CBRC has offered to buy Rock and Republic, but unfortunately Michael Ball wouldn't accept the offer of a 15% discount on his next cbrc skinsuit purchase in exchange for his entire clothing line.

To stave off bankruptcy, CBRC held a meeting of its executives, and concluded that while we're not in danger of going bankrupt, we should see if the New York State will give us three hundred and fifty dollars. I will then use that money to buy a pair of rock and republic jeans, which I will wear to school and other places.

I invested heavily in miller lite this past weekend. It was a personal investment that had little to do with CBRC. The dividends were great though.

Curently I suggest getting into the cyclocross tubulars futures market, and dumping any downhill mountain bike stock you may have faster than Steve Pete on a Santa Cruz V-10.

Lastly, since the market is crashing, keep an extra eye out for cyclists crashing too. Its a bear market. I expect that its only a matter of time before a bear and a rider meet, causing a big crash.

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